Chanced upon this article just the other day when Q posted it on her twitter, and I think it's a good read for anyone who's living overseas, or are planning to take their studies abroad: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-happens-when-you-live-abroad/
One particular paragraph really got to me.
" But there are the fears. And yes, life has gone on without you. And the longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become. Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed. You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have become an outsider."
Not to scare anyone, or being emotional, but this is definitely true. It feels like you've gone on a long long holiday, and returned to realize that the phrase "the world will still go on" taking place in reality. Hanging out with your best friends felt like there's a gap that can never be filled up, no matter how much they try to explain to you what's been going on. True, they still make you comfortable, you still enjoy being with them and if you're lucky, the friendship never changes. But it's whats you're missing out that makes you feel bad, or sometimes even neglected inside. You won't know what's happening to them, and even if something bad happened, you'll always be the last one to find out. Sometimes knowing about it when it already took place. The shock will then come to you when everyone's long over it.
Take for example, how my dad needed to go for a surgery to remove the cataract on his eyes. I knew about it just before he entered the operating theatre, and didn't even manage to catch him to say a few words before he went in. Although it's just a small operation, it'd have been comforting for him to know that I care and give him a few words of encouragement, knowing how he'd have loved them, before he entered the room.
It's things like this that made you wonder if everything's worth it. You coming to a place this far away from home, the huge sum of money that you spent just to pursue your studies and would have saved up on if I've decided to just continue with NTU.
Then again, it's this distance that made you realize who your true friends really really are, and also helped to strengthen the ties with your family. True, people have their lives to carry on with, and you cannot expect all of them to always contact you and ask how's your day (even though you really wished they did when you first arrived in this country with all your friends back in your home country). But it's always comforting when a friend drops you a message, just to catch up with you and to tell you how they've missed you. For those who forgets, they're probably just too busy, or too caught up with their own lives and didn't realize about missing out on a little piece of you. But that's alright, it doesn't mean that they're not good friends. It's just that people places different importance on different people and things, and you're just not on the top of their list.
& then there's another part that says:
"So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people... For the rest of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there. It takes so much to carve out a new life for yourself somewhere new, and it can’t die simply because you’ve moved over a few time zones. The people that took you into their country and became your new family, they aren’t going to mean any less to you when you’re far away."
So when older friends say things like "wah so many friends now" or "so happy over there right", it really did hurt quite a bit. It's not easy finding these people whom you call your friends, especially people who could understand you and help you out in any way that they can when you need them to. To you, they're just like your family here. & nothing can explain how important they meant to you. Happiness is amplified when you share good news with them, and sadness is just shared among you when one of you needs a shoulder to cry on. We have our own lives to continue too, so can't we just lead a more fulfilling one while we're here?
Having new friends doesn't mean that we're gonna abandon the old ones we left behind, especially when we've went through so much things together. The dramas, the drunk scenes, the huddling together during graduation, simple catch-ups and get fat sessions when we just binge and eat; all these are memories to stay and will never be replaced. Which is why I'm always eager to meet up with my good ol' buddies when I'm back.
It's hard to juggle two different lives. It's like I'm being transported back into another dimension after a 7-hour sleep on the plane; when I wake up, I speak a different language, meet different people, lead a different lifestyle. I have my maid around, I don't even have to clean my room or wash the toilet bowl. I could drive my little car around, just sink into the sofa and watch TV with my sister the whole day, and play with my little doggies. My dad will come back home full of smiles and bring us out for dinner, or even suggest ice creams even when he can't have any of them. Friday nights will be filled with calls asking about which clubs to visit, and Saturdays might just very well be spent nursing a hangover. If time and schedules allow, I could meet up with old faces that I haven't seen in a long long time, and to learn about what they've been doing. Taking a walk down our old school campus with the best friend sounds like an absolutely beautiful plan, and we could just have our favourite western food and fill the table up with lots of arteries clogging dishes. Then, I'll forget even about the existence of food and even my laptop at times. I won't even have time to update my Facebook or Twitter, 'cos I'm always on the go and meeting different people doing different things. It's like rush-hour for me everyday, but I truly enjoy it.
Then when it's time to go, I'll have to part with my tear-filled daddy and slump into a deep 7-hour sleep again. & when I wake up, it's back to the independent life again. Enrol & register for school, unclog the sink, plan out what to eat for the week and get groceries, & oh don't forget the toilet papers and washing detergents when they run out. Vacuum the house when we have the time to, and rush for lessons every now and then. Fridays and Mondays would be set aside free to have a long weekend, not just to study but to enjoy ourselves too. Once in a while, we'll meet up for brekkie and to explore the suburbs for good food & I absolutely love having all these foodies around me. It sucks to fall sick because not only will you be suffering from the God-damned fever but missing mummy's porridge and nagging (yes surprisingly) as well.
To friends whom I've failed to show my concern, I just wanna say that I really still do care and nothing can change our friendships. If we've drifted, I want to say that I do still think of you people. If we've really stopped talking, I want to let you know that I hope everything's going on smoothly for you and that you're happy. If we're still hanging out, I want to thank you for showing me support, trusting in me and giving me so much love. To loved ones who're far far away, I want to let you know that I miss you very much but am glad you're in a better place.
To my family, I'm really thankful for the never-ending support, love, and encouragement.
It's tough to maintain two different lifestyles, but I love it. & I'm still learning to juggle them well.
