I just came home from an impromptu trip to the city to get bubble tea from CHATIME and some grocery shopping. & we came home with 3 tubs of ice creams, whooopeeedoooo! Anyway, I've been drafting out this post for a really long time inside me, but haven't really got the time to write about it and post it up. So, here goes..
I've been single for the past half a year or so, and I haven't really spoken about how I felt about it. Initially I was handling it well, then it suddenly struck me that there's nobody to fuss over me, be concerned about me now and then, to randomly text to knowing that there'll be a reply within the next 10 mins, to skype over with, to rant and complain to whenever I want to and knowing that he won't find me irritating and so on and on. Sometimes I feel lonely at night, sometimes I feel sad when I know that a hug isn't within reach. Then slowly, I realize that all these aren't needs. They are just things that I've grown accustomed to during the relationship.
I'm someone who needs a lot of space, and loves being alone. I LOVE shopping alone, eating alone, studying alone and walking aimlessly around town alone. I get to do things at my own pace, not care about whether the person I'm with is bored or something, all I need to make sure is that I'm happy. & then I slowly find this old me back. I really love being single, and being so carefree. I could go dating with anyone I want, and if I don't like him, we could just be friends. Relationships aren't really THE most important thing in our lives, although it occupy a huge one in some. I just feel that we should sometimes give more time to our family, and even friends around us.
I have friends who feel very alone because they feel unwanted. If you're feeling this way, I'm telling you, don't. If you don't love yourself first, who's gonna love you? & I also know of people who always dresses up to impress people, especially people of the opposite sex. Isn't it tiring? & should someone really fall for you for your appearance, won't the relationship be a tad too superficial? & you'll find yourself always wanting to keep up with this physical appearance thing, trying to look good every time you guys go out, always checking out the mirrors etc. I won't want to be in a relationship like that. I want to be comfortable, be my true self. I want to be able to burp out loud, or even fart in-front of the guy I really like and laugh over it, eat whatever I like even if it stinks like smelly toufu, and laugh out loud at something really funny in the movies. Wouldn't you want something like that too?
What I'm trying to say is that, sometimes we're all trying too hard, we lose ourselves. I've always felt that people fall in and out of relationships just because we haven't really found the right person, and God has His way to teach us how to love. We fall in love, and out of it to learn, and through learning, we become better lovers in our next relationships. You don't need to be in a relationship to look cool or accepted in your clique; you'll never know who else is jealous of your singlehood and would kill to be in your shoes.
And lastly, love will come knocking on your door when you least expect it. So, just be yourself and it'll come looking for you. :)
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